oh baby baby...

June 13th seems like a lifetime away. I so want to be pregnant but at the same time wow. Even if I get a positive there is such a high chance of miscarriage. I don't want to be pregnant only to lose the baby. I really don't.


My breasts hurt. Very badly. I'm going to wear a bra all the time now just to see if that helps. Maybe not wearing a bra was causing the breast pain? I don't know. I don't really believe that. I'm getting cramps on either side of the uterus pretty regularly and I definitely feel some things happening a little higher in my abdomen. Strange. But cool at the same time. I guess it will only be cool if its because of something good and not something bad though. I don't want a tumor or a cyst or a fibroid. I want a baby. I want to be a mama. I want to have a family.

Cries and Ultrasound scheduled

I'm really scared. REALLY.  What if its not a baby? What's causing me to feel like this? And if its not a child, this is a really cruel joke. Sigh. I know James said he's no longer ready and would like to wait a year and I'm really okay with that - but if it is he's going to have to deal with it. I'll have to deal with it.

It would be a miracle. I've taken about 9 hpt at this point - all negative. I'm scheduled to have an ultrasound done on June 13th at Dr. Deans. I'm dreading it because my heart is going to break if its negative. And if its positive I think I might dread telling James.

My symptoms (the really stronger ones in the last week and a half to two weeks)

• nausea - and almost throwing up several times for various reasons
• somewhat strange food cravings - or food avoidance.
• a little more tired than usual
• a lot more sore than usual - especially hips and back area
• feeling kind of weak - not a lot but a little bit
• boobs are sore - as in hurting. Sometimes little "zings" and other times just dull and achy - they've also grown at least a whole size in the last month
• can see my blue veins much more clearly - even in my breasts
• more stretch marks - probably from gaining weight
• a little more emotional than usual - greater intollerance for stupidity and little things make me cry
• having these cramping feelings - moreso on the left side than the right, but truthfully on both sides. Almost like the "going to get a period" feeling - but no period. 
• Ummm.... no period. Lol. But that's not like super rare for me with PCOS
• Breaking out on my face - UGH.
• Feeling really really really really bloated.
• Feeling a tightness/fullness in womb area
• drinking a lot more fluids lately
• peeing in greater amounts (but probably from drinking more lol)

Yeah. If I'm not preggers I'm going to be MAD. Stupid stupid body. I've been through this once before and it was supposedly only my thyroid acting up but I think I probably was pregnant and miscarried very early on.

HELP KITTEN RESCUE WIN 15K

I just want to send a quick reminder for everyone to vote for Kitten
Rescue at: http://www.care2.com/animalsheltercontest/4223/?refer=23661.01.1305815407.872119

After voting, you will receive an email and you must confirm your
email address for your vote to count.

It is super easy and although we're currently number 13/14, which is
great, we have a long way to go if we want to win. But we have enough
supporters to overtake the lead so please help by voting and spreading
the word!!

Jenny is a lifesaver! Whoohoo

It is so wonderful having a previous vet tech and current nursing student for a sister in law. Said sis in law Jenny only lives a short drive away which is also extremely nice. It turns out I used Hartz flea drops instead of my usual and that is dangerous as well as totally ineffective. GRRRRRR. I was so mad when I found that out. I talked to my vet and he said not to put any other spot treatments on them for 2 weeks. Ohnoes....

BUT luckily for us, Jenny had a hidden stash of this frontline spray stuff that is safe for kittens and she said the kitties would be fine using it. She showed me how to apply and hopefully those little bastard hitchhikers will be well and truly dead in the next few hours! Hoooray! Then I can let the kittens into their closet area so they can run around and have fun. I can't wait to cuddle and kiss them and dote on them like crazy. Uber kitty love!

Anywho - Cymbalta withdrawal is a four letter word. It is awful. My doctor ran out of the samples he's been giving me and I can't afford the prescription. I went to his office today and he's given me a prescription for Effexor- which I guess you have to take twice a day instead of once, but its supposedly affordable. I shall be getting that tomorrow hopefully and then the dizziness should stop.

James is so sick poor baby boy. I really hope his body starts fighting harder. I hate to see him like this. =(  Also James' dad Jim is sick and has a probable UTI. Ugh. Jenny took him to the Kaiser clinic just a few mins ago. Hopefully they can give him something to help.

Positive news: James has had two interviews! One was a phone interview, and they have scheduled an in person for next week. And he had another phone interview today that I think went well. It seems like either of these jobs would be infinitely better than what he has now. I don't think there's any future for him where he currently is and he's said as much to me. So lets all cross our fingers and pray that he gets a better, higher paying, more satisfying job in the very near future.

TWO! New additions to our family!

We went expecting to take one and ended up with two(I know I said no more cats but Sushi REALLY needs a playmate!). Sigh. I'm such a sucker for a cute kitten! I think its probably in their best interest to be together for at least another month. The move is stressful enough as it is. Little babies had kind of bad fleas unfortunately but they seem totally healthy and active other than that. I attempted a warm bath with the first kitten - ohhhh no. Not having it - NOT ONE BIT. I don't blame it at all. Lol. I managed to get it wet and annoyed and pissed off - not so much clean and flea free. I really thought it might bite me for a minute. I had that nasty experience with the feral kittens so I was cautious and let it alone to calm down a bit before touching it again and trying to soothe it. It crawled into my shirt and laid against my heart. I almost cried. Gosh. I felt so bad.  I even had hubbers try to help - its so much harder with long haired cats. We flea combed what we could off of them - got about 8 of them or so, a good start. They definitely were fidgety and unhappy with what was going on though. Poor babies. I applied a small amount of kitten flea killer on each of them and separated them until it dried, and even dried them a little more to be sure. Then put them into a confinement area where they are together and contented for now. They didn't try to lick one another which is a plus. Supposedly most flea treatments work within an hour - so I've heard. When I check them in the morning we'll see if this is true. I gave them some wet food and some water. I think we'll get them on the wet in the next few days and make that mostly their diet for the next week before mixing it with the dry. I can tell they'd like something to crunch on though! I will definitely upload some pictures of the sweeties tomorrow when I've had some real rest. I sure do need it. The finals with James has just taken it all out of us. We need sleeeeeps. Meow. By the way - the cute pic spam below is NOT of our cats. Lol.

Updates on Stuffs

Well - little boy was not meant to be - he ended up going back home and they thankfully decided to keep him! Yay! He was SO DARLING. Sushi loved him but he wasn't having it. To bad but maybe its for the best. I love my cats and I think I'm going to TRY and stay with what we have now if possible. Hubbers says I can have one more if I really want one, but he's happy with what we have now. So I'm going to try and keep it that way.
New thing: I'm exhausted. Well, guess that's not so new, but there's a new reason in town and that reason's name is Bedbugs - err Bedbug singular. That's right. We found one. In our bed. Around midnight. Shudders. We trapped the little bastard in plastic to get a positive ID. We've been sleeping on the stupid futon (well, James is - I can't really) and our bed is contamination specimen number 1. I've taken all the pillows and bedding and run through wash/dry and we're working on the mattress pads next. After that, we're supposed to get rid of the mattress and boxspring - and replace with a new one (which will be encased in bedbug proof plastic). Its all a giant pain in the ass. And it doesn't help that James is STILL doing finals/finishing up his last paper - due tomorrow, ten pages! UGH. I want time with my husband! He's sick, literally. And he is covered head to toe in these splotchy looking red welt looking things (identified by the doc as some kind of virus that should run its course in 8-10 weeks). He still needs to have his damn stye poked - his initial appointment was a consultation, and his optometry appointment is sometime coming up. Poor guy. I was sick for a few days but feel better other than the exhaustion. I don't know why I can't get any REM sleep. That's what I so badly need. On the other hand my insomnia is causing things to get done, and I've ended up selling some possessions to make some badly needed money. James has been skipping work because of finals and stress (approved by his boss of course), so we're especially hard up at the moment. Add to all this the stress of my stepmom's condition and I just feel ready to explode. I want to get away. I wish James and I could go on a vacation somewhere, just for a few days to relax and unwind. The last six months have been nothing but stress.

Baby Boy (haven't named him yet! and Sushi!) Pic Spam!

Last but not least....

We did it! We adopted the sweet little guy (or should I say BIG guy? - he's huge!). He is so insanely sweet. He's a love biter like Alaska and Sushi. I think they are going to get along great. For now I've set him up in the "new kitty space". He's got everything he needs, tons of toys, plenty of space. Once he's comfy I'll introduce him to Sushi and see how that goes. I have the feeling that it will be fine. Pics to come shortly! But for now - here's a pic of him a few weeks ago. What a little muffin!

We think he looks like a silver or snow bengal mix. We looked up photos of silver bengal kittens and this is what they look like:

Also this: which is called a snow bengal - his tail is very similar to this.

Kitty Kitty Meow Meow

I'm back to the blogosphere! Yay! So much has happened. I saved a Siamese cat from the shelter the day before mother's day because I couldn't let him stay there. He was the most affectionate cat I've ever encountered - to the point of it being insanely annoying. Lol. We found him a GREAT home with a young couple from Calabasas!

And lets see... we are looking to adopt a kitten to be best friends with Sushi. That's right - Sushi. We were able to socialize her with our cats including Ms. Hoitey Toitey Hazel. They were sleeping three inches away from one another last night. I was shocked. But I'm very pleased with how this is turning out. The little fellow we are going to meet tonight (and possibly bring home) is so adorable. His cuteness on a scale of 1-10 is probably a 17. If we bring him home I'll show him off!


Tomorrow we have an appt at the vet for Sushi to get her shots. If we bring little guy home then we can get him vaccinated as well.

On a personal note, my stepmom has been having severe health issues and they are actually talking about a possible lung transplant. Scary stuff. I'm going to be visiting them over Memorial Day weekend. I'll be crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Everyone's prayers are appreciated.

Hmmm. James is having a reaction to ritalin. Its some sort of skin rash - looks kind of pale and blotchy. I think they will be switching him to a different med. He's also at the Doctor right now getting his eye poked (he had a stye unfortunately). I'm waiting for him to get home. And I think that's about all for now. =)

Doctors Visit News - Kittens come and gone!

Its official. My doctor wants me to get my body and womb ready. He's given me the green light to start trying "officially". I've been unofficially trying for the last two and a half years. Ahem. There will be changes - oh yes.

Sleep Schedule - to be scheduled. Lol. No, I've decided to begin forcing myself to bed at midnight and awakening at the ungodly hour of 8:30am. Plenty of rest, and an excellent way to...

Take my Basal Body Temp! Each morning at the same time, to chart my "fertility" and look for an LH surge that indicates I have in fact ovulated. This would be helpful in figuring out my cycle but not telling me...

When to have sex! I need to buy those damn tests that you pee on that will tell you when you're about to ovulate so that you can plan your oh so romantic missionary sex marathon followed by waiting while sperm runs down your backside onto a pillow. Which is all well and good because that is how babies are made, however in order to ovulate I need to...

Have a period! Oh, that. Aunt Flo. The monthly menses. That elusive thing that has visited me a scant number of times over the years and always leaves me wondering how most women who have normal visits from their "Auntie" deal with it. In order to have a period I need to...

Take my damn metformin. And up my dosage until I'm taking three nauseating pills a day. Today was my first day on two and I'll tell ya - I had horrid dry mouth, and my uterus is already twanging. I think AF is on her way. I also am craving chocolate like a crazy person. But I can't really give in because I need to...

Lose Weight. ARGHHHHH. Bane of my existence! I have been FAT FOREVER. At least it feels that way. Damn PCOS, thyroid, Insulin resistance, fibromyalgia, grumble grumble. SO I guess this means I have to actually use that damn elliptical/bike machine that is staring at me from my bed each day. And I need to track my damn food and actually drag my ass to every Weight Watchers meeting and not just the ones I feel like attending. Aw shucks. Speaking of food, I need to...

Follow the gajillion rules that fertility experts are laying down. Figuring out what to eat when I have to think about the metformin pills and how they lower my blood sugar until I feel sick, and my insulin resistance that makes eating certain foods terrible and my fibromyalgia that demands I eat proportionally correct meals to prevent flairs, and Weight Watchers which has a wonderful idea of what I'm to eat and not to eat. This is starting to feel like a math test and I detest those.... grumble grumble.

Hmm. And this is just the beginning! Fun fun. Well - I hope and pray that these measures will be enough and that I will conceive and bring a child into this world. If not, then I can look into other possibilities, like provera and clomid, or artificial insemination or IVF or adoption. I will pass those hurdles if I come to them. For now - I need to take care of myself, I need to stay focused and positive, and I need to pray. And I need to follow all these things to the letter. 

Aside from that jazz - I found a new home for the bottle babies so I can work out a sleep schedule! Hurray! I actually get to sleep again! And I happened to find homes for Tigger and Big Boy and I managed to adopt a cute little girl named Sushi. She's my 9 week old bundle of love. 

So all in all - life is doing what it's supposed to do - changing and moving forward. =) 

TTC and Dr's appointment tomorrow!

So I'm too nervous to sleep. I have a doctor's appointment at noon - I imagine I'll get there quite early and hopefully they will take me back on time. This is a HUGE day - its the day my doctor gets to decide if I can try to get pregnant with Clomid. I don't think we'll be successful without it. There are reasons he could say no (too overweight, the fibromyalgia, the pcos, the thyroid problem) and reasons he could say yes. But there are probably more medical reasons against than for. Hence the nervousness.

I do believe that if he says no I'll be going home in tears. Sigh. I want a child so badly - and it would be such a miracle to be able to carry my and James baby. At least I know that if I can't or shouldn't, then we will travel adoption road. But I know that can be a very hard road to walk with a lot of uncertainty and chance of heartbreak. I hope that God will be with me whichever way we'll be going - I hope that I'm meant to be a mother, because it SURE feels like it. I can't imagine not having children. At this point it is my life's dream and my hearts desire. I want this with all of my being. I've wanted this for three years - but was never in a stable enough situation that I could go for it.

I can try to fill that empty aching hole inside of me - the hole that will fill with love for my children - with kittens and cats and rescuing but at the end of the day, it isn't a quarter filled. It's still so empty.  I have no idea if James can truly understand the depth and breadth of this overwhelming NEED. At least I know that he will be supportive and will love me no matter what. He's a wonderful husband and I am so lucky to have him.

Crazy Kitty updates!

Bottle babies! Now walking around and being cute and adorable! We have Sprinkles on the right, Donut on the left, and Dumpling in the middle. I decided to forgo the Harry Potter names. =) I will be registering these sweeties with Kitten Rescue and adopting them out through their organization - both to help them make some money on the adoption costs, and because I know we screen people really well through KR - they require a home check and I'm all for that.

Tigger came home - the person who adopted him wasn't happy (even though I did a home check and went through the whole process with her) and so I went and picked him up. He was very happy to see me. I have another person coming tomorrow who wants badly to adopt him - and I think it might be a much better match. I hope that Tigger can be happy - I really do. He's such a sweetheart.

We found Big Boy a new home! Yay! The couple is super sweet from Beverly Hills. I think this cat will be extremely spoiled. And I know he's happy to get away from all the commotion here. I'll miss grooming him! He had the softest coat!

And today I rescued a Lilac Point Siamese kitten - she is GORGEOUS. She's very spunky, and extremely vocal and I admire that. I would be very tempted to keep her but I know our resident girl cat Hazel would put the kabosh on that. Hazel is okay with male cats but no females can come into her territory. Its a shame but I'm not going to make her uncomfortable because that's not fair to her. =/

Instead I'm hoping to get a persian kitten (or two lol) of my own to bond with myself and Alaska. Can you believe I only have one cat that's truly mine? Lol. I saw someone on CL who had a litter of persians who look gorgeous (see below!) and I can only hope that she chooses to bestow one of the babies on me. I would truly LOVE that.

 

Bottle Babies, Adoption, and Chocolate Coconut Cake

Bottle babies are so much work - its intensely rewarding but wow. Making up sleep takes more than half the day. Luckily Morgan (thank you Lord for sending this angel to me!) came and picked up two kittens, so I am now left with three. I've decided to name them after Harry Potter characters. Will post pics of them and their new names tomorrow!

Adoption! So Big Boy is still here and Tigger is gone. How did that happen? I'm still not sure. But he's really trying to work his way into my heart. I'm starting to melt. But then what do I do if I fall in love with one of the bottle babies or another cat or kitten? Gah. Mean putty tat!

Despite being zombie like from lack of sleep I felt like cooking dinner (farfalle pasta with a vodka sauce, spinach and chicken), doing laundry, and baking my beloved a rich chocolate coconut cake. The frosting was homemade and it was AMAZING. I actually baked the cake in a springform pan and I have to say I like the way that it turned out!

Here's the recipe although I used a chocolate fudge cake mix, I doubled the coconut, didn't use nuts, and cut the cake in half, placing a layer of whipped chocolate frosting between the layers, with sprinkled coconut, and then sealed the edges with a thin layer of the same chocolate frosting. The coconut frosting made from the condensed milk just covered the top - not enough to cover the cake entirely. It took a little extra cooking to achieve the desired thickness as well. But my GOODNESS. It was so good.

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/German-Chocolate-Cake/Detail.aspx 

Oh dear Lord - the kitties keep coming....

Overpopulation much? Gah. 

People need to spay and neuter your animals! And don't pick up feral colonies of cats off the street if you have no experience!

So - who gets a desperate plea for help in the middle of the night? Me. And who might be traveling a two hour drive at midnight to save a bunch of baby kittens who have been scooped up off the street without their mama? Me. GAH!

If this ends up happening - I am going to be one exhausted lady. As anyone who has ever bottle fed kittens or puppies knows - it is a 2 hour gig all day and all night for weeks until they can eat and go to the bathroom on their own. And who knows if they are sick or flea ridden.. or or.... 

Sigh.  I do it because I have an overwhelming need to - and my soul just cries out for these creatures, whatever condition they are in.

If I get this litter I'll post pics tomorrow.

Big Boy Videos on Youtube!

Because he's so adorable - had to show these!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fFhvUt6nGk

and


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUcM-YHMEx4

Hello World of the Living!

I feel as though there might be a wizard out there sucking me dry of energy. I had a full night's rest and was up a few hours doing cleaning, managed to snag a quick meal, and then my bed claimed me. A four hour nap and I groggily pull myself up and can't believe it's 6pm! 

Then I remember I forgot to take my levo pill (DAMN IT!) and hello dolly! I've got to get better at taking these pills on time. Especially the one that robs you of all earthly energy when it's forgotten about. Blast.

On the plus side I did manage to make my bedroom an organized haven today, and our refrigerator is no longer the wild's of the amazon. I cannot speak for the freezer - looking into it was like looking into a picture of hell frozen over.

I have also come to the realization that my bedroom, while supposed to be a shared space, has been taken over by girly ornaments. You cannot tell a man resides here unless you spy the huge pile of video games, and nerdy RPG books piled in the corner. Well all right - it doesn't mean that a man lives here but its definitely a trace of my man! At least I made him a cubby to put his clothes in - right? Ahem.

 

One more thing before I prance off - Bath and Body Works Wallflowers are so unearthly wonderful. Right now I have a double in the bathroom and the scent is pomegranate lemonade. It's heavenly and manages to cover the trace odor from the cat box. The price tag however is appalling. Best to get these on sale! 

Cat n Kitten Adventures!

Cats. Love them or hate them, well you aren't allowed to hate them. They are just too awesome. At least I think so.

This is just the beginning of this blog and it will detail the love I have for cats and kittens - my rescues, adoptions, and many things I've learned and continue to learn along the way. Also my life as a new wife, and hopeful mother - my housekeeping or lack thereof, crafting projects, magical meal inspirations and disasters in the kitchen and more.

Today I just got back from the Kitten Rescue fosterer orientation. I've decided that what I'm doing is bigger than me and its pretty awesome to have such a cool organization to help and to have help me!

Cats in residence currently: 5
Cats that are mine? 4
New cats that are mine and were supposed to just be fostered? 1
How many am I ACTUALLY going to let go? 1 - though I don't know how. Lol

Hazel - 2 and a half year old medium hair domestic with gorgeously soft fur of white, brown tones, and black. She has stunning Hazel eyes that are mostly green and she is infatuated and attached to my husband despite all of the cosseting I gave her as a kitten. Go figure. 

 

Charlie - A rescue from a woman in Los Angeles who was going to dump him. I came to get him and just never managed to let go of him. He's the most athletic cat I've EVER seen and I've watched cat agility contests. I think he could compete. He can flip in mid air to catch a mouse. His jumps are amazing. He's faster than a bolt of lightning. He's an all black cat so he's great at lurking in the shadows and attacking unannounced. And he's also infatuated with my husband - but willing to let me pet him once in awhile. 

Alaska - My first shelter rescue, approaching a year old. He was set to be put down and was very sick with a URI. He's a beautiful seal point Snowshoe Siamese with gorgeous blue eyes. He is my baby through and through and the gentlest and most TOLERANT cat I've ever seen. Of course he's talkative and once in awhile meows at things I cannot see. I think he communicates to ghosts. Lol.

Xerox: Our runaway baby. We had her two wonderful years and we’ll never forget her. Missing since December  1, 2010.

Bottle Babies Hansel and Gretel - two just born kittens I found outside in a busy parking lot on the hottest day of the summer. They made it three weeks and died the same day twelve hours apart after being hospitalized. They just didn't have the immunity and strength to live. But they have inspired me to take on bottle babies and fosters and rescues so I owe them so much. 

Grinch - My Christmas baby. We had him from probably his second day alive and managed to bottle feed him for six weeks before getting him onto wet food. He was such a funny little thing. We had him a total of 12 weeks before placing him with a new owner. It was heartbreaking to see him go. I'll always remember him. 

PAST FOSTER CAT: CHANCHINA

A beautiful 2 year old Siamese girl. She got new owners within a week - an elderly couple who would go on to spoil her rotten and make her their princess. 

CURRENT FOSTER CATS:

 Tigger's older brother Big Boy - A 5 year old Flame Point purebred Himalayan with stunning blue eyes. He has the most luxuriant coat I've EVER seen and he's an absolute prince of a fellow. Currently looking to find him a home. I have a few good prospects. 

Tigger: A 3 and a half year old Persian. He's gorgeous, he's friendly and I love him. I can't help it. I'm adopting him.